In Circles We Go by Lila N. Phung

Author:Lila N. Phung [Lila N. Phung]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Alium Vita
Published: 2023-08-07T00:00:00+00:00

Ric has been busying himself behind his desk since I got into his memory. His face is perfectly shielded from my view by his large and curved computer screen. Did I do something wrong? Was I being too intrusive when I retraced his memory?

“Should I go?” I finally ask.

“Why don’t you go and take a stab at retracing the last memory that Liv shared with you? See if you can expand it like we practiced?” Ric peeks over the computer screen without getting up. “I’m trying to tackle this from a different angle. Whoever taught Liv Transference must have learned it from Obsidian, meaning their name would be on record somewhere. If I pull on the right strings, I think I can find it.”

I retreat to Liv’s room, glad to be out of Ric’s presence. For a little while back there, I actually liked him. He felt human and approachable, even the tiny apartment in his memory felt more like a home than this icy palace, until he promptly reverted to the same person he was when we first met—charismatic but distant.

Whatever. It’s not like he’s my adoptive dad. Once I find Liv, I’ll go back to Toronto and never see him again. Running my hand across the silky duvet, I wonder if she would be willing to give up on all the luxury this world has to offer just so we can be together. But one thing is for sure, I can’t stay here. I don’t have my own identity, let alone a home.

I flop onto the bed. With my eyes closed, I raise my fingers to my temple, emptying my head of everything but her. In that dream I had right after arriving in Alium, she held me in her arms, told me to be brave. Was her touch firm or soft? What did her voice sound like?

I try to grab onto the detail like a rope, but it snaps the moment I yank on it. What seemed relatively easy just moments ago when I was with Ric now seems beyond insurmountable. I don’t understand what has changed. I thought I had it.

But you don’t. All of this is beyond you. Think about how much easier it’d be if we were back home right now? Ophelia whispers, being kinder than usual. I let her voice wrap around me like a hug as my fingers tap out their usual soothing rhythm.

A ping comes through my Onyx. My fingers freeze in the middle of their melody when I see Carra’s name.

“Hey, I found a movie that summarizes the history of Alium. It’s probably better than trying to read the whole textbook. Here you go.”

“Thank you! I really appreciate it!!”

I regret using not one, but two exclamation marks in my message as soon as I sent it through. She must think I’m so lame.

The speech bubble with the ellipsis stays for a while on the screen, until it bursts my hopes with a simple “np”. And that’s that.

A part of me

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